A new definition for a new life...

Love.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Cor 13:4-8a

"Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3:18

"Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you." Psalm 63:3

"Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law." Romans 13:8

In being born again, I have learned the true meaning of the word "love." A word that in our culture is thrown around, devalued and defaced everyday. It's preciousness was unknown to me until I surrendered to Christ's love. Everyday for nearly two years, I have been learning how to love and growing in my love for our great Creator. Though I am undeserving, He has given me His unconditional love. I could not ask for more but He gives in abundance beyond our imagination's small abilities. God has given me Sean's love and filled me with love for Sean. I am humbled by this blessing and humbled by the magnitude of His love for me, for us, for everyone. God is good and His love is all I need, He provides!

me...

*I love driving at sunset with the windows down and a good country song on the radio.
*Sometimes, I just like being alone. This does not mean I don't love every moment God gives me to spend with others.
*I love dancing, any type of dancing and wish I had more opportunities to dance- but maybe it's my fault for not turning enough situations in to opportunities to dance.
*I struggle every day.
*There are times when I paint a smile on my face. I am always amazed when there are people around me who can see the truth behind that smile, they help me more than they know.
*I still have trouble opening up to just about everyone except God.
* I like Garth Brooks (in spite of that Chris Gains/multiple personality disorder period he went through).
*I probably never would have started wearing makeup if my dad hadn't spent all of my teen years telling me to put on a little eyeshadow. I didn't listen until I was 20, but he was right!
*I love weddings.
*When I was younger I was annoyed by everyone telling me that I look just like my mom. Now, I realize how much of a compliment it is. My mom is beautiful and I hope I inheritated those genes.
*I am not afraid of death but I am terrified of mice/rats.
*Writing poetry is a process for me. One line or stanza comes to my mind and I write the poem around it.

Amazed.

God is omnipotent. I know that and I believe it with all my heart. And just in case I didn't, God has shown that to me in the last week. I am 1300 miles away from Sean right now. If left to my own power (of which I have none!), our relationship would probably be on hold due to the distance. Not much can happen across such a distance. But thankfully, we are not left to our own devices. God is not limited by the number of miles we are apart, 1300 miles is not even an inch on His scale. God has used this trip to bless and cultivate our relationship that much more. I have faced many obstacles in my trip already but God has used these to bring

Sean and I closer together and He has used Sean to speak to me.

"We're a team." Sean said the other night. Just an example of the work God is doing. We are indeed becoming a team. As I was vacillating between what God was calling me to do, He gave Sean the words I needed to hear. I so respect and admire the fact that Sean is so honest with me, he does not hold back his opinion (for fear of how I will react, etc.) and I know that the words he speaks have been prayed about in advance. I stand in wonderment of God and the man he has made Sean and I know that God is continuing to refine him. Another work in progress.

I am amazed by Him!

Absense makes...

...the heart grow fonder.

Aiden and I leave Tuesday morning for 2 -yep, not one but two- full weeks in North Carolina. I think I miss Sean already but I know that this can only be a good thing for us.

I continue to see God growing and strengthening this relationship. I am blessed daily by this man God has chosen to bring into my life. I appreciate all the prayers that you all have said for us and ask that you continue to raise us up in your prayers. Please pray that God would continue to be the guiding force in this relationship and that our only desire would continue to be His will!

Love, E.K.

Scared, in a good way

Last night, while sitting on the couch with Sean, he looked at me and asked me what I was thinking. I wavered slightly, should I tell him? Seeing my hesitation, he reminded me, "You're an open book, remember!" I should have known those words would come back to bite me.

"I am thinking that this is scary. But a good kind of scary. The kind of scary that makes me call out to Christ in prayer. The kind of scary that reminds me no matter what happens, it is for my good. There is so much potential for heartbreak. But God is in control."

Yes, I am scared but in the same instance, I am assured. I do not doubt my Savior. I know that he has promised to do all things for my good. He does not promise that bad things will not happen, instead he promises that even those things will be for my good. "... but God meant it for good." Genesis 50:20. Regardless of the outcome of this relationship, I will be able to glory in the knowledge that it is in accordance with His will for our lives. That is not to say that there won't be pain, there very possibly could be. But I have salvation that overshadows all hurt; salvation that makes suffering worthwhile.

"Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain"
-MercyMe, Bring the Rain

Love, E.K.

The quickest way...

...to a man's heart is through his stomach.

Well, if that old adage is true, then my work is done. Sean had dinner with Aiden and me at our apartment for the first time last night. This was quite a step as far as I'm concerned and I was nervous! I wanted my house to be spotless and the meal to be amazing. So, I prayed while I grocery shopped, prayed while I cleaned for 2 hours, prayed while I cooked and then prayed a bit more for good measure! And because God is loving, generous and omnipotent, he answered my prayers! The apartment looked great and I made the best lasagna I have ever made!

Dinner went well and I got to witness an amazing thing. The two of the men I love (yes, it's official, I am in love) spent a half hour playing together and getting to know each other. Just as I presumed, Sean's concern that he wouldn't know how to entertain Aiden was unnecessary. Aiden could not have been happier; he had an adult, who wasn't Mom, playing with him! My suspicions were confirmed, Sean will be a great father whenever the Lord makes him one. And I think God may already have a child chosen for him to father.

After Aiden went to bed, Sean and I were able to talk for a while. I had been feeling convicted to tell Sean more about the person I was before being saved. I prayed for God to guide my heart and words and then I opened up. I shared the details of what happened to me when I was 15 and how that impacted my life until I was 18 and pregnant. I told him how Christ had healed that wound that had been bleeding for nearly 4 years. Sean held my hand the entire time. I no longer have to worry about how he will react to the valleys that God brought me through.

As we sat on the couch, just holding hands and talking, I felt God's hand over us. I could hear Him saying, "This is of me, beloved." I have never heard that still, small voice so clearly before. And I felt it in my soul. My soul has never felt so fulfilled, I have no doubt that I am walking in His will. I have found my soul's other half. The man that God created for me. There are not sufficient words to describe the wonderment I feel. To be able to see God's leading so clearly.

Undeserving, unworthy. That is what I am. Only deserving God's wrath for a multitude of sins I have committed against him. But because of the sacrifice of His son, Jesus Christ, I am forgiven. Not only am I forgiven but He has blessed me beyond measure. Though I am deserving of punishment, Christ has instead brought the most amazing man I have ever met into my life and the life of my son. Though I am deserving of death, Christ has given me eternal life. Undeserving. Unworthy. Forgiven. Blessed.

"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:3-4

Love, E.K.

On My Knees...

Let me start by saying that this poor blog has been neglected! I started this blog thinking it would be a great way for me to express my feelings, emotions, etc. I still believe it has the potential to be an amazing outlet for me, I just need to do a better job of opening up and pouring out. Well, God could not have created a better opportunity for me do just that!

For the first time in over 2 1/2 years, I am dating. To be more accurate, I am dating for the first time. I have been saved for about a year and a half and I am a completely new person (they call it "the New Birth" for a reason!). Because of that, it's like I have never done this before. Also, the guy I am dating, Sean, is a believer and he is like no man I have ever met before. Certainly, not like anyone the "old Claire" dated.

I am experiencing emotions that are completely new to me, unlike anything else I have been through in life. Being saved has showed me just how vast the emotional spectrum is. Gone are the worldly definitions of happiness and satisfaction. They have been replaced my meanings too great to convey in words. Now, the feeling I experience are those that God ordained for me thousands of years ago, before the world was formed.

I am falling in love. Not the worldly love that destroyed me throughout my teen years. A love that reflects the greatest love of all; a love that, God-willing, will point to Christ on the Cross! I am not falling in love with his looks or his personality (though he has both of those). Instead, I am falling in love with how he loves Jesus and the passion that he has for the Lord. I am falling in love with the way that his words challenge me to pursue my Savior that much further. I am falling in love with the realization that he is the kind of man I want to lead my family. I am falling in love with the signs that God is sending me to tell me, "this is the man that I made for you!"

And I am doing all this with a clear mind and a guarded heart. May I not take a breathe, say a word or move in this relationship without it being prayer-saturated and Christ-centered!

Please keep my family (Aiden and me) in your prayers and in the same thought, pray for Sean. The verses that God has given me in this time are Mathew 4:1-1o, pray that we may be like Jesus is in these verses.

Love, E.K.