Peacemaking In Marriage, Pt. 3

First of all, let me apologize for the delay in finishing up the series. We have had a couple of busy weeks here, so blogging has not been a priority. That being said, let’s continue to learn about peacemaking in marriage.

In the last post, we talked about the danger of idols in our lives and how to discover them. As I mentioned, idols are often the cause of conflict but ultimately the root cause is sin. It’s important for us to start resolving conflicts by acknowledging and correcting our part in the conflict. One of the steps to do this that we talked about is confession. I want to revisit that for a bit to explain what true confession should look like. When you go to someone in order to confess, make sure your confession includes:

The Seven “A”s of Confession
*Address ALL involved- talk to each person who was hurt in the situation
*Avoid saying “if, but, maybe” (i.e. “If you hadn’t…”, “I’m sorry but…”)
*Admit specifically what you did wrong
*Apologize
*Accept the consequences
*Alter your behavior- part of confession includes turning from that sin with God’s help
*Ask for forgiveness and allow time- it can take just seconds to hurt someone but it may take them longer to forgive you

Not every conflict comes as a result of our sin, the fault may lay in the sin of the other person involved but we are responsible for our actions and our repentance. Even if we have not caused the conflict, in the midst of it we often sin as well. This is why we need to start resolving the conflict by examining ourselves and not just with our eyes but through the eyes of Scripture.

Now, on to this week's topic.

We know that God has a purpose for all things, so what is His purpose in ordaining conflict? There is no way to fully know His every purpose in a situation but there are two things that we know He is doing, 1) glorifying His name and drawing attention to His power and presence and 2) strengthening and refining our character. So look at your conflict with those two things in mind and ask yourself how God is using this situation to do those things.

Four Ways to Resolve Conflicts

1) Glorify God! In resolving conflict glorifying God should be our ultimate goal because we exist to bring glory to His name.

“…bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth- everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made." Isaiah 43:6-7

“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all for the glory of God.”
1 Corinthains 10:31 NIV

2) Remove the log from my own eye. We already talked about this in the last post and in the beginning of this post.

“Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:4-5

3) Go and show your brother his faults. Don’t revel and delight in this opportunity and do not make this a rant session about all the things your spouse has done wrong over the course of your marriage, etc. Go with a humble heart and the intention of loving your spouse.

"If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone…” Matthew 18:15

When to overlook an offense:
*If the offense did not dishonor God
*If the offense did not permanently damage a relationship
*If it has not hurt others
*If the offense is not hurting the offender himself/herself

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13

4) Go and be reconciled. For true reconciliation/forgiveness you must resolve not to think about the situation, not to bring up the situation again, not to talk to others about the situation, and not to allow this to stand between you and your spouse or to hinder your personal relationship. There may be situations where you both agree to make an exception to one of these things. For example, to help another couple in a similar situation, it may be necessary to talk about the conflict again.

"First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift." Matthew 5:24