Peacemaking In Marriage, Pt. 2

So, did you do your homework? Did you think about how you would answer the questions from last week's post?

Most conflicts come from unmet expectations and the disappointment and frustrations that result. Expectations are far too often idols. So, let's start by determining what the idols are in our lives and see if those are also areas of conflict with our spouses.

*What am I preoccupied with?
*"If only ___________, then I would feel happy, safe and secure."
*What do I want to preserve or avoid?
*Where do I put my trust?
*What do I fear?
*Is there something I want so much that I am willing to hurt others in order to obtain it?
*How am I judging those who don't fulfill my desires?
*How am I punishing those who don't fulfill my desires?

Idols are those things (material or not) that we put before the Lord. Things that we look to for happiness and fulfillment. True happiness and fulfillment can only come from God and idols will inevitably leave us broken and hungering.

"And they did wicked things, provoking the LORD to anger, and they served idols, of which the LORD had said to them, 'You shall not do this.'" 2 Kings 17:11-12


"They served their idols, which became a snare to them." Psalm 106:36


"Those who pay regard to vain idols forsake their hope of steadfast love." Jonah 2:8

"Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry." 1 Cor. 10:14

"Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality,
impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry." Col. 3:5

Once we discover idols in our lives what do we do with that information? In 1 John 1:9 we read, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." Confronting idols is done in 3 steps:

1) Identify- how did you answer the questions above? What expectations are idols in your life?

2) Confess- confess these things first to the Lord and then to anyone whom you've hurt in pursuit of these things.

3) Ask for forgiveness- again, first from the Lord and then from anyone you've hurt as a result of this idolatry.

So, look at the areas of conflict between you and your spouse, are any of them a result of idols in your heart? Pray and ask the Lord to reveal any idols in your life. In resolving conflicts and peacemaking, we must first start with ourselves.

Come back for the third (and possibly final) installment in this series next week.